I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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