I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
