We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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