i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize