WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
