Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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