puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
