I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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