My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
