got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I deserve this hangover.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
