All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
