happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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