Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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