I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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