I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
