Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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