the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
