this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
