I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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