He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
