On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
