that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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