you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
