I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
