Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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