ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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