some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
