I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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