I think I am morally bankrupt
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
