at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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