New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
