Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
