i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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