he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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