i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
