My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
