Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
