How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
