it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
