ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
