My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
