i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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