I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
