Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
