Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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