Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
