I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
