Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
