i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
