dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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