Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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