i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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