Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
