He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
should my penis look like a turkey
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
