I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
