you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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