This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize