if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
