Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
