Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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