Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
