my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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