Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
