I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
