Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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