a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
