Christians are straight up FREAKS
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize