The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
