I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
