I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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