so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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