My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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