You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
