when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
