She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
