you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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