apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Couch. On fire.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
