my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
