Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize
