yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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