He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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