When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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