Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
