Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
