Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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