Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
